Biker vs. Sparrow

A biker is riding along a country lane, when
a sparrow flies up in front of him.  The biker
can't do anything and hits the sparrow.  As
he looks in his rear view mirror, he sees
the sparrow lying in the road.  Being the
kind of guy he is, he stops, picks up the
sparrow and takes it home and puts it in a
cage, still in a coma.  When the sparrow
wakes up the following morning, he looks
through the bars of the cage and says,
"Damn!  I must have killed the biker".
Biker Bunny

One day in the great forest, a magical frog was
walking down to a water hole.  This forest was so big
that the frog had never seen another animal in all his
life.  By chance, today, a bear was chasing after a
rabbit to have for dinner.
The frog called for the two to stop.  The frog said,
"Because you are the only two animals I have seen, I
will grant you both three wishes.  
Bear, you go first."

The bear thought for a minute, and being the male he
was, said, "I wish for all the bears in this forest,
besides me, to be female."

For his wish, the rabbit asked for a crash helmet, and
immediately put it on.  The bear was amazed at the
stupidity of the rabbit, wasting his wish like that.

It was the bear's second turn for a wish. "Well, I wish
that all the bears in the next forest were female as

The rabbit asked for a motorcycle and immediately
hopped on it and gunned the engine.  The bear was
shocked that the rabbit was asking for these stupid
things, after all, he could have asked for money and
bought the motorcycle.

For the last wish the bear thought for a while and
then said, "I wish that all the bears in the world,
besides me, were female."

The rabbit grinned, gunned the engine, and said, "I
wish that the bear was gay."

The waitress was tired of this one
biker always hitting on her, so she
came up with a plan.
"I'll tell ya what, stud.  I'll have sex with
ya on two conditions.  First, it'll cost ya
50 bucks.  Second, you have to
guarantee me that bells will ring and
lights will flash."
He smiled, handed her $50 and led her
over to the pinball machine.
Old Married Bikers

A biker & his wife are celebrating their 50th
anniversary. That night the wife approaches her
husband wearing the exact same sexy little
teddy that she wore on their wedding night. She
looks at her husband & says, "Honey, Do you
remember this?"

He looks up at her & says, "Yes dear, I do. You
wore that same negligee the night we were

She says, "That's right. Do you remember what
you said to me that night?"

He nods & says, "Yes dear, I still remember."

"Well, what is it?" she asks.

He responds, "Well honey, as I remember, I said,
"Ohhhhhhh Baby, I'm going to suck the life out
of those big tits & screw your brains out."

She giggles & says, "Yes honey, that's it. That's
exactly what you said.  So, now it's 50 years later,
 I'm in the same negligee I wore that night. What
do you have to say tonight?"

Again he looks her up & down & finally replies,
"Mission Accomplished."
Stuck In The Mud

On the farm lived a chicken and a horse, both of whom
loved to play together.  One day, the two were playing
when the horse fell into a bog and began to sink.  
Scared for his life,  the horse whinnied for the chicken
to go get the farmer for help!  Off the chicken ran,  
back to the farm.

Arriving at the farm,  he searched and searched for the
farmer,  but to no avail,  for he had gone to town with
the only tractor.  Running around,  the chicken spied
the farmer's new Harley.  Finding the keys in the
ignition,  the chicken sped off with a length of rope
hoping he still had time to save his friend's life.  Back
at the bog, the horse was surprised,  but happy  to see
the chicken arrive on the shiny Harley. He managed to
get a hold of the loop of rope the chicken tossed to
him.  After tying the other end to the rear bumper of
the farmer's bike,  the chicken then drove slowly
forward and, with the aid of the powerful bike,  
rescued the horse!

Happy and proud,  the chicken rode the Harley back to
the farmhouse,  and the farmer was none the wiser
when he returned. The friendship between the two
animals was cemented:   
best buddies, best pals.

A few weeks later,  the chicken fell into a mud pit,  and
soon, he too began to sink and cried out to the horse
to save his life!  The horse thought a moment,  walked
over, and straddled the large puddle. Looking
underneath,  he told the chicken to grab his dick and
he would then lift him out of the pit.  The chicken got a
good grip, and the horse pulled him up and out,  
saving his life.

The moral of the story?

When you're hung like a horse,  you don't need a
Harley to pick up chicks.
Copyright © 2002-2010  
All Rights Reserved
Mechanics of Heart Surgery

A mechanic was removing a cylinder head from the motor of a Harley motorcycle when he spotted a well-known
heart surgeon in his shop.  The surgeon was waiting for the service manager to take a look at his bike.  The
mechanic shouted across the garage, "Hey Doc, can I ask you a question?"  The surgeon, a bit surprised, walked
over to the mechanic working on the motorcycle.  The mechanic straightened up, wiped his hands on a rag and
asked, "So Doc, look at this engine.  I open its 'heart', take valves out, fix'em,  put'em back in;  and when I finish, it
works just like new.  So how come I get such a measly salary and you get the really big bucks when you and I are
doing basically the same kind of work?"
The surgeon paused,  smiled,  leaned over and  whispered to the mechanic, "Try doing it with the engine running."
Biker Mother of Six

A biker's greatest achievement was his
brood of six kids.  He was so proud
that he continually called his wife:
Mother of Six, which pissed her off a
lot.  But he kept referring to her as
Mother of Six no matter where they went.

At end of a poker run, he shouted
across the bar,  "Hey, Mother of Six, you
ready to go home?"

His irritated wife screamed back:  
"Anytime you're ready, Father of Four!"
Biker Al Gore

Al Gore decides to try riding a
motorcycle, even though he has had
no lessons or prior experience.  He
mounts the motorcycle uninstructed,
turns it on & it immediately roars into
motion.  As it moves along faster &
faster,  Al begins to fall from the
seat.  In terror,  he grips tightly on
the handlebars,  but can't get a firm
grip.  He tries to throw his arms
around the motorcycle's gas tank,  
but he slides down the side of the
motorcycle anyway.  Finally giving up
his frail grip,  he tries to leap off the
motorcycle and throw himself to
safety.  Unfortunately,  his foot has
become entangled in the exhaust
pipes;  he is now at the mercy of the
motorcycles roaring wheels as his
head is struck against the ground,
over and over.  He is moments away
from unconsciousness when,  to his
great fortune, Wendell,  the Wal-Mart
greeter,  sees him and unplugs the
Drunken Biker

One night,  a police officer was stalking out a
particularly rowdy biker bar for possible
violations of the driving-under-the-influence
laws.  At closing time,  he saw one of the bikers
stumble out of the bar,  trip on the curb,  try his
keys on five different bikes before he found his.
 Then,  sat on the bike fumbling around several
minutes, looking as if he might pass out right
there.  Everyone left the bar and rode off.  
Finally,  he started his engine and began to pull
away.  The police officer was waiting for him.  He
stopped the biker, read him his rights and
administered the Breathalyzer test.  The results
showed a reading of 0.0.  The puzzled officer
demanded to know how that could be.  The biker
 replied,  "Tonight, I'm the Designated Decoy."
‘Lil ‘Ol Lady

A little old lady had always wanted to join a
local biker club.
One day she goes up and knocks on the door.  
A big, hairy,
bearded biker with tattoos all over his arms

She boldly proclaims, "I want to join your club."

The guy is amused and decides to humor her
a bit,  so he says
she needs to meet certain biker requirements
in order to join.

The biker asks,  "Do you have a motorcycle?"

The little old lady replies,  "Yep... my bike's
parked over there,"
and points to a flamed black Harley chopper in
the driveway.

The biker asks, "Do you drink?"

The little old lady replies, "Yep, I drink like a
fish.  I'll drink any
man in your club under the table.

The biker then asks, "Do you smoke?"

The little old lady replies, "Yep, I smoke like a
chimney.  At least
4 packs of cigarettes and three joints a day
and a couple of cigars
in the evening,  while I'm shooting pool."

The biker is very impressed and asks, "You
sound like one bad
Mama.  Tell me, have you ever been picked up
by the fuzz?"

The little old lady thinks for a minute and says,
"Nope, but I've been swung around by my
nipples a few times."
Happily Married Biker

Badass Biker Bob wakes up at home with a huge
hangover. He forces himself to open his eyes, and
the first thing he sees is a couple of aspirins and a
glass of water on the side table.

He sits up and sees his clothing in front of him, all
clean and pressed.  Bob looks around the room
and sees that it is in perfect order, spotless, clean.
 So is the rest of the house.

He takes the aspirins and notices a note on the
table:  "Honey, breakfast is on the stove, I left early
to go shopping.  Love you."

So he goes to the kitchen, and sure enough there
is a hot breakfast and the morning newspaper. His
son is also at the table, eating.

Bob asks, "Son, what happened last night?"

His son says, "Well, you came home after 3 A.M.,
drunk and delirious, broke some furniture, puked
in the hallway, and gave yourself a black eye when
you stumbled into the door."

Confused, Badass Bob asks, "So, why is everything
in order and so clean, and breakfast is on the table
waiting for me?"

His son replies, "Oh, that!  Mom dragged you to the
bedroom, and when she tried to take your pants
off,  you said,  "Lady, leave me alone,  I'm married'!"
Biker Saves A Life

Two bikers walk into a roadhouse to wash the
road dust from their throats.  They stand at the
bar, drinking a beer and talking about the new
model Harleys.

Suddenly, a woman at a nearby table, who is
eating a sandwich, begins to cough.  After a
minute or so,  it becomes apparent that she is in
real distress.

One of the bikers looks at her and says, "kin ya
swaller?"  The woman shakes her head, no.  
"Kin ya breathe?"  The woman begins to turn
blue and shakes her head.

The biker walks over to the woman,  lifts up the
back of her dress,  yanks down her panties, and
slowly runs his tongue from the back of her
thigh up to the small of her back.  The woman is
so shocked  that she has a violent spasm and
the obstruction flies out of her mouth.  As she
begins to breathe again, the biker walks slowly
back to the bar and takes a drink from his beer.

His buddy says, "Ya know, I'd heard of that there
Hind Lick Maneuver,  but 'til today,  I ain't never
seen nobody do it."
Have a good joke you'd like to submit?
Do it here!
A Bad Day

There's a guy sitting at a biker bar,  just
looking at his drink.  He stays like that for
half an hour.  Then, a big trouble-making
biker steps next to him,  takes the drink
from the guy, and just drinks it all down.

The poor man starts crying.  The biker says,
"Come on man, I was just joking. Here,  I'll
buy you another drink.  I just can't stand
seeing a man crying."

"No, it's not that.  This day is the worst of my
life.  First,  I fall asleep,  and I'm late to my
office.  My boss,  in an outrage,  fires me.  
When I leave the building to go to my car,  I
found out it was stolen.  The police say they
can do nothing.

I get a cab to return home and when I leave
it,  I remember I left my wallet and credit
cards there.  The cab driver just drives
away.  I go home and when I get there,  I find
my wife in bed with the gardener.  I leave
home and come to this bar.  And when I was
thinking about putting an end to my life, you
show up and drink my poison..."
Biker Meets Viagra

Crash, the Biker,  walks into a pharmacy &
says to the pharmacist,  "Listen, I have
three biker babes coming over tonight.  
I've never had three biker babes at once,  
&  I need something to keep me horny,  
keep me potent."

The pharmacist reaches under the
counter, unlocks the bottom drawer &
takes out a small cardboard box marked
with a label  "Viagra Extra Strength"  &
says, "Here, if you eat this, you'll go NUTS
for 12 hours!"

The next day,  Crash rides down to the
same pharmacy,  walks right up to the
same pharmacist & pulls down his pants.

The pharmacist looks in horror as he
notices that Crash's Johnson is black &
blue with the skin hanging off in some

Crash says, "Gimme a bottle of Ben Gay."

The pharmacist replies, "BEN GAY?!  
You're not going to put Ben Gay on your
dick while it's in that condition?"

Crash says, "No,  it's for my arms,  the girls
didn't show up."
Just Say NO!

A ten year-old boy was walking
down the street when a big man on
a black motorcycle, pulls up beside
him and asks, "Hey kid, wanna go
for a ride?"

"No!", said the boy, and he kept on
walking.  The motorcyclist pulls up
to him again and says, "Hey kid,, I'll
give you $10 if you hop on the

"NO!" said the boy and proceeded
down the street a little quicker.

The motorcyclist pulls up to the
boy again and says, "Ok kid, I'll
give you $20 and a BIG bag of
candy if you hop on the back for a

At this point the boy turns around
to him and screams angrily, "Look
Dad, YOU bought the Honda, so
YOU ride it!!
Have a good joke you'd like to submit?
Do it here!
Arthur Davidson of the Harley Davidson Motorcycle Corp, dies and goes to Heaven.  
At the gates,  an angel tells him, "Well, you've been such a good guy and
your motorcycles have changed the world.  
As a reward you can hang out with anyone you want to in Heaven."
Davidson thinks about it and says, "I wanna hang out with God himself."
The feathered fellow at the gate takes Arthur to the throne room and introduces him to God...
Arthur asks God, "Hey aren't you the inventor of the woman??"
God says, "Yes."
"Well," says Davidson, "You have some major design flaws in your invention:
1. There's too much front protrusion
2.  It chatters at high speeds
3 The rear end wobbles too much, and
4. The intake is placed too close to the exhaust."
"Hmmmmm..." replies God. "Hold on."
God goes to his celestial supercomputer,  types in a few lines and waits for the results.  The
computer prints out a slip of paper and God reads it.  "It may be that my invention is flawed,"  God
replies to Arthur. "But according to my computer,  more people are riding my invention than yours."